Tell a joke!

A fella lands himself in prison...On his first day inside, he's down in the mess hall having lunch. All of a sudden, one of the inmates stands up and shouts out "42". Everyone sitting around erupts laughing. Another guy stands up and shouts "118". Once again the crowd explodes with laughter. The prisoner turns to the guy beside him and asks what the deal is. The guy replies "We've all been here so long, we know all the jokes, so we've numbered them". So the new prisoner decides to try this out. He stands up and shouts "98". There's complete silence. He turns to the chap beside him and says "Is 98 not funny?" To which he replies "Nah, it's not that,It's the way you tell it"

One of my favourites;) Very Irish!

It's all about how you tell it, or in these cases, read it

I found this joke to be quite funny

Money Talks!
During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an unusual offer:

"Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows. When you get to the part where I'm supposed to promise to 'love, honor and obey' and 'be faithful to her forever,' I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that out."

He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied.

On the day of the wedding, when it came time for the groom's vows, the pastor looked the young man in the eye and said: "Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life, and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?"

The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes," then leaned toward the pastor and hissed: "I thought we had a deal."

The pastor put a $100 bill into the groom's hand and whispered: "She made me a better offer."

and yet one more joke I just had to add this one.



Goodbye To Mother
A couple were going out for the evening. They'd got ready, all dolled up, cat put out, etc.

The taxi arrives, and as the couple got out, the cat shoots back in. They don't want the cat shut in the house, so the wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes upstairs to chase the cat out.

The wife, not wanting it known that the house will be empty explains to the taxi driver "He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother."

A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab -"Sorry I took so long" he says, "Stupid old thing was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out!"

Admin Andrew wrote:and yet one more joke I just had to add this one.



Goodbye To Mother
A couple were going out for the evening. They'd got ready, all dolled up, cat put out, etc.

The taxi arrives, and as the couple got out, the cat shoots back in. They don't want the cat shut in the house, so the wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes upstairs to chase the cat out.

The wife, not wanting it known that the house will be empty explains to the taxi driver "He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother."

A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab -"Sorry I took so long" he says, "Stupid old thing was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out!"

Hehe, good one

Admin Andrew wrote:and yet one more joke I just had to add this one.



Goodbye To Mother
A couple were going out for the evening. They'd got ready, all dolled up, cat put out, etc.

The taxi arrives, and as the couple got out, the cat shoots back in. They don't want the cat shut in the house, so the wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes upstairs to chase the cat out.

The wife, not wanting it known that the house will be empty explains to the taxi driver "He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother."

A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab -"Sorry I took so long" he says, "Stupid old thing was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out!"

This made my day!

A fella walks into a barbers and says " Can you shave a bald spot on the back of my head, cut a zig zag into my fringe and shave one of my sideburns off" to which barber replies "I'm not sure I can do that sir". The man responds " Should be no problem to you, that's what you did to me a few weeks back"

Computer games don’t affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids, we’d all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music.
— Nintendo, 1989 —

What did the five fingers say to the face?

SLAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(usually accompanied by slapping the guy you just told it to in the face)

pianohama wrote:What did the five fingers say to the face?

SLAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(usually accompanied by slapping the guy you just told it to in the face)

I saw that episode 2 days ago, couldn't stop laughing

LOL!!!!!!!!! Man, I want to try that now, but I can't think of any friends I want to ruin my friendship with...hmmm

goodell wrote:

pianohama wrote:What did the five fingers say to the face?

SLAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(usually accompanied by slapping the guy you just told it to in the face)

I saw that episode 2 days ago, couldn't stop laughing

lol dave chapelle is the king

What do you get when you crossbreed a Bulldog and a Shitzu.





- Nothing but BULLSH*T!

funny, but try to keep it clean incase there's kid on here XD

Admin Andrew wrote: funny, but try to keep it clean incase there's kid on here XD

I guess the word Sh*t is looked at differently here in Canada as well as Usa?
Cause in Norway we got/had a candybag that had the (translated) name: SHI*TCANDY consisting of some nice candy things.. Directed to children We are perhaps more liberal here

LOL! really? wow that's funny!

Thx, for editing it.

A dog, a priest and Dracula walk into a bar, and the Nun says-

Oh wait, I cant say that one!

I was wondering .. !
two tons of metal and two tons of feather..
which one is the the heaviest ??

MysteriousGgirl wrote:I was wondering .. !
two tons of metal and two tons of feather..
which one is the the heaviest ??

well, i know the joke is that their both two tons and its exactly the same,

but in my fysics class we've talked about this and actually two tons of metal would be heavier because of its density, plus because of the air trapped between the feathers it would make it ligher. So my answer is this: They weigh the same, but metal is heavier, this can easily be demonstrated by dropping both into water, the metal would drop to the ground be the feathers would float.

as i know its the same i dont know the details
but its a logic answer..